The Never-Ending List...

Unless you're one of those rare brides whose parents happen to be made of money, you've got another stresser coming... the guest list. Three little words (two really, if you leave out the 'the') that seem extremely innocent at first glance: just a simple list of people whom you love, care for, and hope can participate in your special day. Not so hard, right? Just write down the names of the people that you want with you on the most special day of your life. Easy... and yet anyone who's ever been in this position knows that the compilation of names on that piece of paper can multiply even faster than 'study group' snacks can disappear. (And that's fast. Super fast.)
The problem is simple: you are way more popular than you thought. No, really- I would never lie to you like that. Your thought progression will go something like this... At first, it's a simple list of close mutual friends and immediate family. Totally doable. And then it's your best friends from high school. Great. Those girls from your college suite. Sure. That group of people that he worked with. Maybe. The great-aunts and fourth cousins that have always been included in family events like this. Intimidating. Current coworkers, rec leagues, neighbors, and all of their dates. Completely ridiculous. This is never going to work.
And the simple truth of the matter is this: you simply can't invite everyone that you know. Yes, your great aunt Martha is probably going to be offended that she wasn't necessary to your ceremony. And yes, your husband may be a little upset at the fact that his junior-high tennis partner was dropped. But that's okay; he'll get over it. In today's world, brides typically have to choose between a 500 person attendance or the steak and champagne dinner. And sometimes it's a hard choice, but you want your wedding to be memorable and enjoyable for everyone involved. (For my husband and I, the sacrifice of our family and friends just wasn't worth a stunning reception hall or a Hummer limo getaway.)
Don't let this stress you out too much. Rule people out by categories: all coworkers (even bosses), all family that you haven't seen in the past five years, all Packers fans, etc. Make a decision together and stick with it. People will understand. (Except for perhaps that football prejudice... better hold off on that one.) Your guest list and your budget go hand-in-hand; everything from the cake cost to the party favor bill to the equipment rental fee is directly correlated to your number of guests. The only thing that those dreaded numbers won't effect is the fact that you'll be somebody's wife at the end of the day. But when it comes down to it, I guess that's all that really matters.

First Things First...

When you think 'the big things' in wedding planning, what do you think of? The dress? The colors? The wedding party people? The cake? The hours that you're going to spend mulling over invitation wording and format? :) If you're like me, that's the exciting stuff- the stuff you're really looking forward to. Unfortunately, you've gotta tackle some pretty big (and not always fun) stuff before you get there. Sorry... that 'wedding planning notebook' that your best friend got you the week after you got engaged is going to have to wait; I know it's calling to you like uneaten chips-and-salsa call to my husband, but you'll have to suffer through it for a few more days. There are four main things that you should set down in stone before you do anything else: date and venue, budget, theme, and level of groom/parental involvement. (No... that last one is not a joke.)
Date and venue: I put these two things together because they often go hand-in-hand. You should consider the general time frame that you want your wedding to take place... Do you want to be done with school? Do you wanna be a June bride? Does the venue that you want look best at a certain time of the year? Will your family and loved ones be able to travel at that time? Are you sure you can wait more than six months? (I sure couldn't have!) In addition to all those sorts of questions, most venues book very quickly, and may only have certain dates available, so it's good to think of these two things as a pair. As far as your venue goes, you should pick something that has particular meaning to you or your personality: I got married in my church; my friends from college got married at a wildlife park; my personal favorite lately was a couple from my high school that got married in a gorgeous old theater... how cool is that?!? My point is: do something meaningful to you, and memorable to other people... I knew I would have my ceremony in my church, but for my reception I considered everything from an art/furniture gallery to an amazingly beautiful historic train station lobby. Sweet.
Next thing to tackle: budget. I know... yuck. But it's gotta be done, I'm afraid. Look at the bright side, when you've gotten it all sorted out, you'll know exactly how much you can spend on that little clutch that would make the perfect accessory for your big day. (Haha. Okay, so hopefully you're not that obsessed so early on. If you are, we need to have a talk.) Anyways, if you haven't previously discussed this, sit down with your fiance and one (or both) sets of your parents (but not both sets together... that would be awkward due to different abilities to finance) and talk 'moolah'. This is an intimidating discussion. My best tips- gauge which set of parents is more likely to be able to finance your affair, and go to them first. Then, if needed, sit down with the other couple. At any rate, finances will affect anything and everything about your big day, from the reception music and embossed napkins to your personal beauty routine.
Once you have your budget, it's time to sit down (with your groom) and determine what theme the two of you are hoping to create on your day together. Are you into the 50's era? Do you follow the modern chic trends? Will your theme be determined by your venue? (The couple at the old theater used a 20's theme- it was great!) By your colors? (This is a common way to do it, and alway looks lovely.) By your personalities? (Goofy and eclectic vs. classically elegant.) Whatever you choose to do, make it something that you both love, because this general theme will occupy all of your thoughts for the next several months- you think I'm kidding right now, but you'll see. Oh, you'll see.
Lastly, ask your groom up front how much input he'd like in decisions. Some grooms are totally and completely hands-off. (This is nice for you, but frustrating for his wedding-obsessed mother.) The only problem this can create is a lack of desire to help you with anything, which can (and will) get somewhat tiresome for you. Other grooms will want input on some things, such as the food, the dance playlist, or their tuxes, but won't care much about flowers or favors. (Until, of course, you pick a program-style that he's not a fan of. Then you'll realize that he actually does want to be consulted on most things.) You may occasionally find a groom that is excited about planning and wants to be involved from phase one... my best wishes to you. Good luck. Another thing to discuss with your future hubby (whoa... yay!) is how much input your parents will have. Most parents will stay out of the way of planning, but in the event of a particularly excited relative, the two of you will need to present a united front on how you feel. (This may be somewhat dependent on who is footing the bill... you're required to at least listen to all they have to say.) Don't forget that they're looking forward to this wedding as well. So get over your inner-Bridezilla. Remember that it's your man's day too... don't you want him to look back and say that it was a perfect day? I sure did. (And he does!)